I Spy, With My Mechanical Eye
by sabakuXnoXsalem
Summary: Deidara gets a surprise as he explores his favorite hobbie: 'Tachi watchin'. Yaoi, Madaita, Madara Itachi. Short, not the best, lemony. Enjoy and review?


**Hey,**

**So, I was bored and my power went out for like an hour, so I typed this. Just something to pass the time, a silly idea that had been floating around in my head.**

**It's short, and kinda dumb, but I thought "What the hell, I'll just upload it." It's not my best, but hey, who gives a shit?**

**Disclaim.**

**Warning: MadaIta, Yaoi, vague sex scene, blahblahblah. Oneshot.**

**I Spy, With My Mechanical Eye~**

Deidara wondered around the Akatsuki base, annoyed. After that punk 'Tobi' had turned out to be Uchiha Madara, everyone was acting funny around their head quarters.

He missed Sasori no danna.

Deidara slumped a bit, remembering the day Sasori went to Suna for a long term mission. The day Leader threw 'Tobi' at him. Honestly, the guy was more of a pain in the ass now that he had stopped his act. He was always trying to order everyone around, even 'Leader'. It pissed Deidara off to think that Rinnegan had bowed to Sharingan.

But if anything brightened his mood, it was when their new leader tried to make _Itachi _obey him. I had assumed that he would, because Uchiha always seemed like some kind of cult-follower, and it only seemed right that he would worship the top Uchiha. It was Uchiha freaking Madara, Itachi would _have _to obey him, right?

WRONG.

Deidara laughed out loud just thinking about it. The first time Madara tried ordering Itachi around, the whole room froze, looking back, eager to see what Itachi looked like when bowing to a superior. Hidan had been the one to cackle as Itachi sent black fire just past the masked man's head, smirking as he walked in the other direction.

Damn, that was funny.

Any interaction between them had always been as such, Madara trying to enforce dominance, Itachi blowing him off. Sasori once told Deidara that he caught Madara trying to enforce dominance by other means, but that had been shot down immediately via kunai to Madara's throat.

That asshole was lucky it went through him...

Deidara shook his head in amusement. He had to commend Itachi, because there was no way _he _would be rebelling against that immortal bastard.

Speaking of Itachi...

Deidara slowed as he approached a particular window into a certain Uchiha's room. This was his favorite hobbie; Itachi watching.

The blonde hid his chakra, using one of his clay birds as his eyes, relaying what it saw to Deidara's mechanical eyewear.

It had been too long since he had done this. The other Akatsuki members were always curious about the Uchiha, since he was so damned mysterious all the time, so Deidara took it upon himself to become the unofficial Itachi-spy.

He had actually almost got Kakuzu to pay him, just to get information. Deidara often thought about making a business deal with the stitched man, but he was sure that he would get screwed over in the long run by the guy's greed.

Besides, he was more in it for the thrill.

Strangely enough, Itachi was just sitting in his room. The Uchiha wasn't wearing his Akatsuki cloak, just some baggy black pajama-looking outfit. He looked out of place, just sitting on the ground against the wall of his room, staring at the door.

Deidara couldn't see his face, for it was guarded by his bed-head, but he was willing to bet the man was scowling.

What an emo.

Deidara is sure that this watch was a dud, and he was about to take off when the door opened.

Damn, someone had to be pretty ballsy to just waltz into Itachi's room like they owned the place.

Itachi remained on the floor, though, just watching the intruder. The blonde orders his tiny bird turn to see the person's face, only to raise an eyebrow in surprise. It was Itachi.

Then who was that guy on the floor?

Deidara watched as Itachi closed the door behind him, then approached the man on the floor.

"How long have you been here?"

Deidara observes the man as he turns to look at Itachi, "Not long." His voice is deep and his eyes are feminine and cold, like Itachi's.

They remain silent for a bit, before the stranger speaks once more, getting up as Itachi sits on his bed.

"You seem stressed, boy." Itachi glares. Deidara watches in wonder as the strange man sits next to Itachi, bringing the man into his embrace, continuing. "I've seen Sasuke recently." Itachi tenses.

The older man continues, "He's not like you were, boy. But he is growing. That damned Konoha treats him well, so he will be fine."

Itachi nods, leaning into the man more.

_Gods this is weird. _Deidara had never seen Itachi touch anyone, it was so unreal.

Then Itachi crawls into the man's lap, straddling him, smirking. "I'm glad I at least have you, Madara-sensei." Deidara chokes, listening further. "I'm tired of that fucking moron trying to take your name. Our name." The older man, apparently the real Madara, laughs and pushing Itachi off of him to stand, said younger man glaring indignantly at being rejected.

"Does he talk down to my Itachi? I thought you liked that, boy." Itachi smirks, leaning back to spread his legs.

"Only from you. I only listen to you." And Deidara watches slack-jawed as the man approaches the bed, unbuttoning his pants, then leaning down to remove Itachi's Akatsuki cloak. Itachi pulls the man down by his shirt, pushing their mouths together as the man crawls over him, letting his hands roam.

The blonde flicks his head-set, sure the lens is broken, because this can't be happening.

But sure enough, there Itachi was, opening his mouth to Madara's tongue, moaning as the man tore their clothes off.

_That's _why Itachi never took their new leader seriously. He knew Tobi was a phony, some dude parading around as the legendary man Itachi was currently sucking off.

Deidara couldn't believe it. Pein was a dumb bitch for letting Tobi trick him into believing he's Madara. Hell, the only one who wasn't a dumb bitch was Itachi, who knew all along.

Said man was now hovering over the _real _legendary Uchiha, humming in delight as the elder's fingers plunged in and out of him sensually. He gasped as Madara flipped their positions, forcing Itachi's face into a pillow. The immortal gripped Itachi's pony-tail and yanked it to the side, effectively turning the man's head.

"I want to hear you," and Itachi whimpered, then yelped as the forced himself inside none too gently.

He was kind enough to wait until Itachi was ready, only starting to thrust when Itachi began moving against him. "Mhh, good boy."

Deidara couldn't decide if he should continue spying or not. This was not what he expected. If anything, he wanted to catch Itachi singing Nana Mizuki in front of his mirror or something.

He didn't foresee watching Itachi get fucked by his creepy old uncle.

A particularly loud groan brought him back to watching Madara feast upon his descendant. They had moved so that one of Itachi's legs was draped over his elder's shoulder as he lay partially on his back.

"Mmn... hah, Quiet yourself, boy." And the man continued panting against Itachi's neck, the latter nodding and attempting to muffle himself with his hand.

"Ngh, Sensei..." And Itachi began clawing Madara with his free hand, bucking his hips against the man's thrusts with increased fervor. "I'm... cum- ah!" His voice breaking as the immortal shifted.

Suddenly, Madara reared back before grabbing and lifting Itachi's hips, then slamming in harder than ever before. Itachi slapped his hand back over his mouth, screaming as his orgasm hit him like a truck, eyes rolling back as his Sensei's seed filled him.

Deidara was forever scarred, he had decided, but he stuck through it to the very end.

Because he was a trooper.

...And a pervert.

He wiped drool from his chin as he continued to watch them through his small monitor.

By now, Madara had rolled off of his former student and both lay panting at their respective sides of the bed.

Itachi was first to speak, "Tobi wants to initiate his plan in a few months. What side are you on?"

Madara gave him a glance from the corner of his eye. "I am on my side, boy. If he wants to get in _my _way, then I shall destroy him, and anyone else."

Itachi seemed to mull that over in his head, "What of Sasuke?"

Madara turned his head and gave Itachi a dead-pan look. "He is of your concern, not mine. I do not care what happens to him in the crossfire. If this 'Madara' thinks that he will use my name to lock the world into genjutsu, he is sorely mistaken. Sasuke is none of my business."

The younger Uchiha thought about this, sitting up to put his clothes back on. Madara lifted onto his elbows.

"And you, boy? Where do your loyalties lie?" Itachi turned, giving him a look.

"...With you, Sensei. They always will." And Madara got up, beginning to dress.

"Good..."

Deidara called the bird back, running far from the window.

Calling a different, much bigger bird, Deidara began the journey to Suna, where he was going to give his Danna a heads up, then hall ass away from Akatsuki.

If they were planning a war against the entire god-damned world, the blonde wanted no part in it. It wasn't fun to blow things up when someone was making you... Who the hell did Tobi think he was? The Akatsuki had gone to shit, and they offered what?

Bipolar, wanna-be Madara as leader.

Organization full of deranged psychopaths.

Mass-murdering Uncle-fucker as a comrade/ possible enemy.

And possibly being forced to face The Uchiha Madara?

Fuck this shit.

And with that, Deidara wisely fled, suppressing anything and everything that he had ever experienced with Akatsuki.

**My Grandfather read one of the smuttiest parts of this as I typed it. Fuck my life. **

**& Have I ever expressed how much I HATE the process of uploading a new story? Jeez!**

**And with that, I bid you temporary farewell, because hopefully you shall hear from me again as you read my other stories and enjoy them.**

**~SaLEm**


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